I'm still alive...

I know it's been nearly a month since I've put anything on here... But I'm not going to apologize. I could give you a list of things I've been doing instead of writing on here?

Working my ass off... at work... and dealing with slightly worse than usual work related drama... to the point where it's gotten rather difficult to leave it in the office. Something I hate very much and am doing everything possible to make go away. What I've got working to my advantage this time is that I've finally found some nerve where my job is concerned, and I fight back on every unreasonable situation that I have even the tiniest chance of getting 'dealt with'... It does feel good to finally feel valuable enough to have some say in what goes on in my department- it's really a relief to be able to have conversations with my boss and be taken seriously, and to be given the responsibility of making judgment calls on what's best for the department... But it doesn't mean that other people are any more cooperative than they ever were...

Finishing up with unpacking and getting the place together.

Finding an apartment in Windsor for Warren to live in now, and for me to join him in later.

Looking in to (quite seriously, even talking to dealers and test driving) buying a new car (yeah, I know... but unless you want to buy the rabbit for around 11000 USD up front, I'd thank you to keep comments about buying a new car so soon after the last one to yourself). This one is much better than the rabbit, and still quite practical- in fact, even more so, in my opinion...

Planning, to the best of my ability, for the chaos that will be the next few months- for the following reasons:

a trip to Virginia for what promises to be an amazing festival (one of only three that I'm doing this year)

getting married (and organising what we need to have organised in order for that to happen)

helping Warren move a few hundred miles to Windsor

officially applying for permanent residence in Canada (there's really quite a great deal of work that I have to put in... and a lot of questions to answer on various forms and remembering parts of my life that I've been trying to forget for quite some time now in order to accurately answer said questions)

ohh, and a trip to Germany that's in the works for the end of the year

And yes, I'm already thinking about the holidays as well (as I'm aiming to give all high quality, handmade gifts, and doing that will take a bit of thought and planning and effort in what little spare time I have)



so yeah, there's my life lately... it's been busy, chaotic, exhausting, stressful, and honestly... one whole hell of a lot of fun...

I've been spending a lot of time-at-home getting this new place put together, and while I'm making some pretty significant progress (two rooms painted, living room looks like a living room, the books are unpacked, etc.)- I'm still not as pleased with it as I would normally be with a new 'project apartment'... In fact, I'm mostly irritated with the place. It's odd, because all of the things that would normally irritate me have been taken care of, and it's all coming together quite nicely- the place has a lot of potential, it just needs some work, which is something I'd usually be all about, but I just can't get into it like I used to...
I think the problem that I'm having with it isn't so much with the place itself, but with the reason behind me living in it at all... The fact that I'm living in it alone. I'm really frustrated with the fact that I don't get to be living with Warren, and that even though we're getting married in damn near two months time- we still have to spend the better part of a year living in separate homes- never *quite* getting to settle together like we want to.
I still feel awful about the fact that he has to move to Windsor now, and though he seems pretty excited about it, at least as much as someone can be expected to be when faced with the prospect of moving to Windsor... People keep asking me 'why doesn't he just move here?' - and it's hard to convince some folks that while it might be easier in some ways (okay, maybe one way, because of the K-1 visa, at least he'd be able to live here), but significantly more difficult in others (he couldn't work, Ann Arbor really does suck as a place to live, in more ways than it is actually a nice place to live, neither of us actually *wants* to live in the States, etc. ad-infinitum)... I absolutely adore Hamilton, and it would take very little arm twisting to convince me that Toronto was an excellent place to settle as well- and it makes me sad to think that not only will I not get to visit Hamilton anymore, except when we visit his mum- but that he will be stuck in Windsor for a year, which is really just a slightly cleaner version of Detroit (except for right now, because it appears that the garbage collectors are on strike)... Not that I have anything against Detroit, as a city- but it's certainly not a place that I would want to live, even given all it's positives (yes, I believe there are plenty).
So I've been cleaning, and unpacking, and painting, and doing little things here and there to make this place more 'livable' - only to realize that I don't really even want to live here all that much... Sure, it's nice to have a decent place, a big one, that's in a pretty good location... Things could be a lot worse... But what I really want, is to live in a place perched on the edge of the Niagara Escarpment- to wake up, and think 'ohh, hey, I'm living with the man I love, I should go make him some delicious coffee'
Don't get me wrong, I don't mean to whine as if our situation is the most complicated one in the world- Hell I've got friends who are separated from their true love by positively enormous bodies of water... we're nowhere even near that level of complication... But it gets increasingly frustrating to visit each other- because the more he comes here, the more tricky it gets because of restrictions on how long he's allowed to stay in the US in a year- and I don't have the sort of freedom with work that he has, so I only get to go visit once or twice a month, if that...
Things have been getting more chaotic and irritating at work- and it seems like the bullshit never stops there, but only gets piled on a bit thicker with every month... I'm at a point now where the first thing I think upon waking on weekdays is 'I wasn't even supposed to be doing this anymore, I'm supposed to be gone' ... And the last thing I think before I go to sleep is 'please, god, let me find something better to do with my life, I don't know if I can bring myself to go to that place again tomorrow' ... But none of that helps, because I'm a responsible individual, and I know that when I stop going to work, the paychecks stop coming, and then I'm completely, utterly, fucked. I know I should take some personal pride in the fact that I've been chosen (even if by default) for a point position in a major, very important transition for the company... But I can't, because all I think about is how much more bullshit this project is going to leave me dealing with- and I get frustrated just thinking about it, which is hard, because I need to be thinking about it, and planning steps to make this a smooth transition.

I was ready for a change of scenery years ago, and even though I've got a nagging suspicion that I may still be here for some reason, even by the grace of some higher power... I just can't see past it right now... I know that there will be a time when I'll look back and think 'well, thank the gods that's over- now on to the good part' - and then I'll forget about it, like I've done with so much of my past... But for now, I just feel... stuck.
And that's not a fun way to feel.

I'm going to visit Warren this weekend, and we don't have too much planned (oddly, while at the same time, having loads to be planning)... I just wish that it could be for more than two days, and that we could just focus on enjoying each others company, instead of sorting out the deluge of 'stuff' going on in both our lives... It's funny, in a not so ha-ha way- I finally meet someone who I am madly, unconditionally, passionately in love with, someone who, for the very first time ever, I know for certain that I would very much like to spend the rest of my life with- and instead of just being all googly eyed and melty about it... We have to work, hard, to make it happen the way we want...

Anyway.

I have more painting to do.

Things I've had to do to the new apartment to make it livable:

re-caulk the entire tub surround (mind you, this surround was put in less than a week before I moved).
replace several light switches (and found some very interesting wiring... like hot lines bundled with scotch tape- hot lines creating a circuit through two switches at a time- once with a fan switch going into a gfci receptacle, etc)
replace almost all of the electrical receptacles (all were two prong, none were properly grounded)
paint (one might say that this wasn't a necessity... but trust me, if you'd seen the paint that was in before I got to it, you'd agree without hesitation)
install a ceiling fan, and two new light fixtures (plus a dimmer switch for one of the light fixtures- the one in the office)
clean... like... seriously... scrub the shit out of the place- I don't know if the landlord paid the maintenance guy and the maintenance guy just didn't do it (which wouldn't surprise me in the least)- or if the landlord just said 'meh, Katy will clean it again anyway... she's just OCD like that... but parts of it were gross.
rip out three hideous shelves that had been painted onto the wall... and then patch the mauled drywall beneath in order to paint...


Things that made all the work worth it:

The balcony (pictures will happen soon)
the office (ditto)
the layout of the place
the fact that it's 3rd floor, and I can finally sleep
lack of a rent increase

and other things.


now I'm tired, and I am going to go to sleep.

Things that happened during the month of May.

I forgot about Beltaine again.
Somehow, I ended up getting a 3rd floor, 2 bedroom apartment in the same building- with no rent increase.
I spent a considerable amount of time upstairs at the new apartment, pulling carpet staples from the floor and being disgusted with the maintenance guy's terrible work.
Even more stuff changed at work (mostly for the worse in relation to my department specifically), and along with it, my attitude... yet again. I'm even less tolerant of stupid bullshit than I was before... So if you work with me, and it seems like I've been a bit of a cunt lately- it's because I have been. So cope.- and try not to piss me off by doing something really stupid... and we'll be fine.
On Sunday, May 24th- Warren and I went to Windsor and started looking at condos... We like what we've seen so far.
I forgot about the DEMF... but managed to hear a bit of it from across the river. I'll remember next year, I promise.
We also went out to Leamington, and to Point Pelee Park. It was amazing, and definitely a place I'll end up at again.
Last week, I spent even more time going over stuff in the new apartment. I've picked paint colors, even though it's temporary accommodations (have I mentioned that the maintenance guy did a shit job? This includes painting everything, including ceilings, in brilliant white high-gloss kitchen & bath paint).
I found out that the new tech at work makes more than me. I'm not even going to go into how much this pisses me off... or how I plan to deal with it- that's for me to go about doing, and you to wish me luck in dealing...
Friday, I headed out to Warren's place... Over the course of the weekend we:

Drove around Hamilton looking at awesome houses.
Had amazing Vietnamese food.
Bought an acoustic bass guitar
walked for several miles along the Mountain Brow and Bruce trails
Had dinner with and hung out with his mum for a while.
Spent time playing with Hairy Hairy Harrington (and I missed Clyde a little too)
made a lot of jokes about the Ontario license written examination sample questions-
spoke with someone about mortgages- and were quite satisfied with what we learned.
Drove to Toronto
drove around Toronto.
ate at Mel's
bought some cool new clothes (some awesome pants and a sexy black pinstripe shirt for Warren, and a kickass hoodie for me)
found, by sheer dumb luck, or act of divine intervention, or something equally unlikely- a spectacularly suitable engagement ring- (yes, there will be a picture once the ring is actually on my finger, but it's currently waiting to be re-sized to fit my manly hands)
did some research on wedding bands for the both of us...
went to the Kool Haus and saw THE FUCKING DOVES... And lo, my world was rocked- and will remain so for several days.
ate at Fran's...
Drove home from Toronto...
Went to Spencer Gorge and saw Webster's Falls, and climbed around on some rocks for a while...
Drove back to Windsor, and then into Michigan...

and ended up here... in Ann Arbor... Where I am not really very happy to be- 'cepting that I have a Warren with me, because we're going to try and get some appointments to look at condos and houses and apartments and whatnot in Windsor this week. And, the cat. I am pretty happy to see the cat again as well.



anyway. File that under 'life, the universe, and everything' ... except for the parts about work... file those under 'bullshit I'd be better off without'

and now, off to bed.

what do the following have to do with one another?



a new fantastically comfortable hoodie from lululemon.
Warren, covered in a sexy Italian pinstriped shirt.
the best ham and swiss... in the world...
Toronto rush hour traffic.
Sapphires and diamonds.
a phenomenally good rock band from Manchester (that's Manchester, England)
Eggs Blackstone and a glass of OJ from Fran's

Since I seem to have confused a lot of people recently... I guess it's time for me to make this official amendment to my original, overexcited announcement.

Just so no-one else gets their panties in a bunch... I'm not moving just yet. And before you all start cheering like most of my asshole 'friends' have done because they're all so selfish that they couldn't bear to be happy for someone else if it meant that I was going away- know that I'm quite unhappy about it.

No, I'm not going to go into detail about it- yes, it has to do with immigration issues... but no, I'm not a criminal, or any other nonsensical thing... I was just a girl at the border, who ended up having a terrible evening.


For the record-

yes, I still have a job (another year at that place, let's hope I make it without dying too much inside)
yes, I still have a place to live (a better one than this one, except for the crap painting job... it's a 3rd floor 2 bedroom- w00t)
yes, Warren and I are still disgustingly in love, and still planning to get married this summer...


but... we just don't get to live together yet. So, I feel kind of bad, because instead of me uprooting like I was actually looking forward to- he is moving to Windsor. He seems to be pretty excited about the prospect of exploring a new city- and it'll be fantastic to be less than 2 hours away from each other most weekdays, instead of 5+
We've been shopping around and liking what we see so far- and soon, I'll head over there and we can hopefully go look at some places together. I plan to be spending most of my weekends with him, because I'll be able to, and it will be good. Harrington and Clyde will get to meet and become friends, which I'm certain they will do in short time...

And then, several months, piles of paperwork, and significantly less money later... We'll be able to start our life together at last.


Have I mentioned lately that I really dislike bureaucracy?

I'm having a bad weekend, in a major way. For reasons I choose not to go into detail about right now... So instead of doing what I was originally planning on doing, I'm getting tanked on Bells 'Hell Hath No Fury' ale (appropriate, I insist), watching old episodes of Torchwood (and getting turned on by them), and munching on green olives stuffed with garlic.

And now, instead of doing other things that I should be doing, like sleeping... I'm going to open another beer and post 3 pictures of pretty things that I saw at my mum's last weekend... and then stop typing, because I'm rubbish at it right now... instead, I think I may go watch more Torchwood, or episides of Top Gear where James May is reviewing snooty rich-brit cars...

sounds like a plan...

pics... of things growing... no cut.








p.s.  stupid html image tag doesn't work right now :(

looks- it's a list of foods that I like and dislike.


convenient I'm doing it while I eat dinner.




VEGGIES-

Asparagus- nom nom, in crepes with chicken & bechamel sauce.
Avacodos- nom nom nom nom
bell peppers- nom nom, the best are the green and the orange- the red ones only go on pizza or in pasta.
broccoli- om nom nom, especially in stir fry.
brussel sprouts- om nom
cabbage- in coleslaw, kraut, and with corned beef.
carrots- yep
cauliflower- mostly in indian dishes, and raw with dip... and om nom nom
celery- it's a good negative calorie... and in tuna salad, and with peanut butter on.
collard greens- only as a side with specific dishes.
cucumbers- brined, otherwise not so much
eggplant- I am completely ambivalent regarding eggplant. It's certainly no substitute for veal.
fennel- mmmmohhhyeahh- that's one of my pizza sauce secret ingredients... oops.
garlic- in... like... everything.
green beans- om nom nom... unless they're canned.
green peas- in pilaf, pasta, etc (in fact, there's some in my dinner tonight)... whole sugar snaps are amazing in any medium.
kale- no thanks.
leeks- potato leek soup = om nom nom nom nom.
mushrooms- ohh hell yes.
mustard greens- same theory on these as collard greens.
olives- pretty much any way you serve em, I'll eat 'em
onions- yep
potatoes- potatoes are merely a delivery method for bacon, cheese, chili, ranch dressing, and ketchup.
sea weed- does it's job in ice cream... I like those nori sesame snacks- and sushi.
spinach- om nom nom... cooked, raw... every which way.
squash- summer squash gets fried, others get baked... sometimes butternut soup.
sweet potatoes- sweet potato fries rock my world.
swiss chard- pretentious vegetable is pretentious
tomatoes- I like tomatoes more and more the older I get... I truly believe that tomatoes are 100% an acquired taste. As much as I like them these days, the texture still makes me gag when I try to eat them raw and solo.
turnip greens- now this is a green I can get behind.
yams- I actually don't like true yams that much. Everyone confuses them with sweet potatoes- I like the cooked sweet potato concoction served at holiday meals that everyone calls 'candied yams'- but real yams are actually too sweet and too fibery... go figure.

SEAFOOD-
fish- most fish. I've only had a couple fishes that I didn't like...
scallops- om nom nom nom
shrimp-om nom nom nom nom (another part of tonight's dinner, and my favorite thing that comes out of the ocean
salmon- surprisingly, I'm not a huge fan of salmon... it's one of the fishes that I don't like. I'll eat it, and it's pretty good smoked- but it just didn't impress me all that much.
crab- the real stuff, yes... the fake stuff (colored whitefish) is just dumb.
clams- om nom nom
oysters- I don't understand eating something that you're meant to just dump down your throat- I do like them cooked though.
lobster- is okay, but a little too sweet to enjoy regularly

FRUITS-
apples- only crisp, tart varieties... Michigan, green, etc.
apricots- apricots are total teases... so delicious, but so small!
bananas- mmhmm
blueberries- frozen, with sugar sprinkled over, and milk poured on (like cereal)- the milk freezes to the blueberries and it's ohh so delicious... I also like them in... everything else.
cantaloupe- I'm not a melon person, but I'll still eat it.
cranberries- prepared correctly.
figs- ohh god, raw figs are just amazingly good
grapefruit- I have a strange 'bitterness' thing with my palette. I'll drink grapefruit juice if it's sweetened, or if it's blended with other fruits, but I can't eat the fruit straight- it actually causes physical pain.
grapes- concord grapes rock my world.
kiwi fruit- kiwi... okay. like the taste, but they're a pain in the ass to eat. I like them candied and dried quite a bit though.
lemons/limes- limes are my favorite citrus. I think lemon is overrated, but I'll use it when appropriate to a dish.
oranges- :D
papaya- also overrated.
pineapple- I love pineapple so much, but if I eat more than a couple of pieces raw, my tongue hurts the next day. This makes me sad- and I always try to get pineapple on pizza, and in kabobs and stuff because when it gets cooked, the pain isn't so bad... stupid tongue.
plums- om nom nom
prunes- heh... I actually like prunes!
raisins- I prefer my grapes fully hydrated.
raspberries- om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom... need I say more? My granddad used to grow white raspberries... I've never seen them since. Those were so amazingly delicious- I still crave them.
strawberries- one less nom than raspberries.
watermelon- it's okay... It's hard to find good watermelon these days, what with genetic seed modification taking the flavor out of everything.


EGGS AND DAIRY
cheese- anything but the vacuum wrapped shit you get from huge brands. I prefer raw cheese if possible, but it's hard to find outside of filthy hippy stores. I especially enjoy pretentious, stinky cheese.
milk- humans are the only creature on the planet that not only continues to drink milk after infancy, but will the drink the milk of another species... and I say that's why we're in charge.
eggs- not a huge egg fan. Omelets are good (and fun to make)... over easy goes in grits... and Warren makes amazing scrambled eggs (he taught me!)... but given a breakfast menu, I usually pass on egg dishes for something else.
goat fluid and the cheese thereof- goat cheese, though I prefer sheep milk feta... but goats milk tastes like sweat smells.
ice cream- butter pecan.

BEANS AND LEGUMES
Black Beans- om nom nom nom...
garbanzo beans- I don't like chick peas plain, but hummus is a favorite.
kidney beans- no thanks.
lentils- I like the green ones better
miso- yuck
pinto beans- in soup
tofu- soy is also overrated.

MEATS
beef- check
chicken-check (preferably dark meat)
swine-check
goat- too tough
lamb- check, and check
turkey- too dry, normally not enough flavor.
duck- I actually like duck. Foie gras is overrated, but then I'm not a big pâté person.
venison- tough like goat.
rabbit- barbecued rabbit is amazing.
cats-I prefer them as pets.
Also, I notice that the 'odd meats' aren't on here... I enjoy gator quite a bit, felt so-so about snake, wasn't a huge fan of bison or buffalo, and think pheasant is one of the most savory meats ever.


NUTS AND SEEDS
peanuts- meh.
walnuts- mmmm- especially on salads
macadamias- no... no Brazil nuts either.
I also like hazelnuts, and rave about pecans...
seeds- sesame, flax

GRAINS-
wheat-yay
rice-Jasmine, basmati, and black
barley- a lot of dishes I like have barley in.
millet-can't say I recall having millet in anything. I probably have and probably enjoyed it.
oats-cobbler!!!!!!
corn- I used to celebrate a weekly holiday called "corn tuesday" upon which I cooked corn and ate it. every week. on Tuesday. Those were the days. I'm also getting good at making my own tamales.
rye- rye bread is awesome.
quinona- overrated
buckwheat- 15lb pancakes... CACC... Wheatland. Ohh, my god.

SPICES
let the spice flow! She who controls the spice controls not only the kitchen, but the universe as well, according to Frank Herbert

Dear blogosphere,

It's official. I gave my notice today at work.
I am expatriating at the end of May... and Warren and I will be married in two months time.

I know you're reading this on the internets, so it may be hard to believe... but I promise, I'm not trying to sell you penile enhancement drugs or scam you by claiming to be a Nigerian princess in search of a "recipient" for all of my "inheritance". Hell, I'm not even going to try and tell you that you too can lose up to 10lbs of stomach fat by obeying one simple rule (who the hell has 10lbs of fat that lives exclusively on their torso anyway?).

It's for real- and I'd take a picture of my cheesy grin, but my hair is kind of gross right now and I'm not wearing any clothes (you pervert!)



Hope to talk to you again soon,

Love, Katy who is going to turn off the Horseflies and go to bed now because she's really effing tired and her head hurts like mad.

I'm not going to type much... it's late, and I had an exhausting day. I went to Windsor with Warren to help save some time and money dealing with the greyhound system... and we wandered around town- and saw a sweet-as-shit waterspout come out of the Detroit River and race up Ouellette Avenue before the funnel cloud broke apart... and then we ate at East Side Marios- and then I took him to the bus station, and then I cried a bit, and then I left... the border crossing was smooth, though they handle things a bit differently in Detroit... and fuck the guy who owns the ambassador bridge. What a douche. $4 a pop to cross a damn bridge? I mean, shit- the bluewater is something like $2!!!


Anyway. I spent some days down south a couple of weeks ago (yep, it's that time of year again)... We took a completely different route than before, which took us through rural Kentucky and the Cumberland Gap and into bfe Tennessee and Virginia... and it was fucking awesome. And I got to hang out with my cousin down in Johnson City, and stay in the kitschiest hotel ever... and then drive a few miles of the Blue Ridge Parkway before we found out that the part we really wanted to drive on was closed... so we had to turn around and... umm... do it live.

And then we went to a filthy hippy music festival and saw some fantastic bands, and then the Horseflies made my head explode... twice. And we went to Chapel Hill for a while too.

And then when we drove home, we discovered that 23 sucks no matter where you go- and found one of Kentucky's best kept secrets- which I found out later is a direct result of insane levels of political corruption, and a byproduct of Governors having too damn much money and time on their hands...

It was pretty sweet.

And umm... next month, I'm going other super awesome places that will make my life pretty much spectacular... I look forward to raving about all of that in time as well.

but for now. I'm going to post the 7 best pictures from the trip (it's a completely arbitrary number... they were all good pictures, but I'm too lazy and tired right now to build a proper photoset. if you're on facebook, you can see them there, just go to my profile, the post is still pretty recent).
I'll put them under this cut, but trust me, you want to see them, because there's one panorama in there of the Cumberland Gap- and it's pretty breathtaking.

( sewiouswy )

I've been doing crosswords at an astonishing rate lately. I hit the online-crossword-jackpot this week in the form of a website that has been doing one printable crossword per day for the last 8 years. There is a small amount of term repetition, which will eventually annoy me, but the difficulty level is a bit lower than those in the various papers- so they're nowhere near as grueling as the one in the Times that I always stumble my way through on weekends.
I've been feeling very antisocial for the last couple of weeks, I'm not sure why really- it's something that has been coming and going with me all my life... I guess it could be worse, I could suffer from chronic depression or something- I'd like to think that my tendency toward being antisocial at least leaves me with a reputation of being a hermit instead of being a complete psycho. I just feel disappointed with nearly half of the people I know, and irritated by the most of the rest of the other... It's a frustrating feeling, but I'm sure I'll get over it.
Despite the recent bout of 'shutinination', I've managed to cohabit for about a week with Warren, go out for beer with one friend, and to see the Carnies last night with another... that, and not kill anyone at work. I'm proud of this.
I've been working a lot on sewing projects recently as well... actually... here, ( have some pictures )

The first one is a toiletries/travel bag I made for myself, the other two didn't meet with my perfectionist standards, so I've shipped them off to the first two people who said (over on the facebooks) "I'll have one of your bags" for free... maybe it'll generate some interest, and when I actually start making ones I'm satisfied with, I will start charging. These are all scrap bags, and every single thing that went in them was a remnant from another project, or was formerly part of an article of clothing that was too beat up to even donate to goodwill...

So, yeah, at least I've been mostly productive while hiding out inside. I still pretty much loathe getting up and driving seven miles and spending the bulk of my day in a building full of people who mostly don't care for me all that much... and lately, it's been showing, and I've been a lot less friendly than I used to be. I'm starting to wonder how long I can keep that up before someone calls bullshit on me for suddenly not being cheerful and willing to do whatever anyone tells me whenever they tell me to do so.

I've also got some strange stuff going on in other parts of my life that I've just now decided I won't go into any detail about... I would hold down the backspace key for a few seconds and wipe that last bit, but I'm not going to do that either... I guess I'm just tired of 'the normal' again... I keep hoping for a shakeup, and then I catch myself when I remember that I've got an inevitable shakeup on it's way as it is, and I should be busy getting myself prepared for it instead of sitting idly and waiting for an unexpected one... I guess that's just how I operate though. It's not really a shakeup, in my mind, if I'm expecting it- how can it be?

I think I should be spending more time playing my guitar... but a while back, Warren took me to a music store in Hamilton, where a nice man named Ryan let me play his custom Taylor 6 string... and ever since, I haven't even wanted to play with my own guitar... a part of me misses writing music though. At least I'm about to kick off another summer of awesome next weekend at Shakori- where I finally get to see the Horseflies again... woo.
I had a good start last night though- The Carnies show was pretty much what I expected it to be, the set seemed a little short, but they were definitely on fire... I chatted with the bassist/PR guy for a while afterward (this is getting to be habit) and found out from him that they recorded their show from the Ark- he said that if I drop him a line to remind him, I might get a peek at it... That would be sweeeet...
The high points of the evening were discovering that Misty Lyn & the Big Beautiful are an astonishingly good band - witnessing a member of the Carnies shamelessly work the room in the hopes of finding his'self a purty girl to take home - Watching some hipster dude who looked like he had showed up thinking this was a Joy Division show dance 'the goth dance' to some rowdy bluegrass... and when the bartender proclaimed after the set that the Carnies reminded him of the Electric Mayhem (and I had to explain to bassist/PR guy that they were the band from the muppets).

Next week, Warren and I head out to parts unknown (or at least parts only vaguely known) on our way to NC... We're stopping by to have a beer or three with my cousin in Tennessee, and then staying the night in Asheville (crosses fingers that hotel has room with view of mountains) before disappearing into the otherworldly land that is Shakori Hills. Maybe I'll snap out of this funk when we get there?

And now my mom is calling me on the telephone... so I'm going to stop typing. and click on the 'post' button.

I've been working on a few different sewing projects at once lately... Going back and forth from doing the finishing on the cushion covers for the gifted loveseat, making several smallish handbags from fabric scraps, and hand sewing the tiny plastic snaps onto the duvet cover I made a while ago from old t-shirt scraps... I also made a throw for my dad out of old Wheatland t-shirts, which I forgot to take pictures of before I stuffed it in a box and mailed it to him...

This sewing thing has made me feel only marginally more productive- but at least I don't come home from work and sit in front of the computer for hours, playing sim city, like I had been doing for the last couple of months. the cold of winter makes me sluggish- and when added to the abnormal levels of stress I've been feeling lately for a number of reasons- I hadn't felt like doing much at all... But now I'm at least getting something useful (and entertaining) done while I hide out inside...

Warren and I are leaving for North Carolina in two weeks- headed down to the Shakori spring festival... I'm looking forward to several work-free days in a row with no obligations but to decide what to eat and what bands to watch on a given day. Shakori marks the start of another summer- one that I expect will be unusually full of unusual things to do... and a very different one than last year. I've only got three fests on my schedule, and I'm sure it's going to stay that way- but the ones we've picked are certainly going to be the best of them... Last year was more of an experiment than anything else... absorb as much of the culture as I possibly can, a sort of testing of the waters in preparation for possibly spending the rest of my adult life as an artist/vendor. I feel like I've learned a lot in that regard in the past year or so, but have so much more to learn and do to prepare before I'm even remotely ready for that sort of thing...

We went to REI yesterday to look at some clothes, and pick up a few camping necessities... I ran into the guy who sold me my guitar, what seems like ages ago... It was a 'full circle' sort of moment for me when I realized why I recognized him- and it meant more to me than I think I realized at the time when he thanked me for still playing it after all these years. Something I really should do more of, though my callouses are pretty much gone right now, and the only singing I seem to do lately is in the car... I do this with my music though, there are things that inspire me, and things that don't... and lately, I've dealt with a lot of the things that don't and have cared very little about the things that do (those familiar with my particular style should understand why that's actually a good thing though). I guess I'm just waiting for something to be worth writing about again- hoping maybe the next time I pick up the 12 string beast, it will be for a completely different reason than it used to be.

You know... I'm not really even sure whether there was a point to me posting at all right now... Maybe the fact that it's a bit too late to use the noisy sewing machine... or the fact that I haven't written anything on here in a while and still feel enough of a lingering sense of obligation to say something just to everyone knows I'm still around...

anyway. dear Warren is asleep in the other room, and I think I should probably go join him.

Knowing how appreciative I am of a woman in nerdy glasses, my dear sweet Warren sent me a video today, of "my tall girlfriend" (Rachel Maddow) mixing drinks... I noticed when I got home that I was out of beer- and wanting a refreshing drink to accompany this evening's many chores, I drew inspiration from everyone's favorite butch lesbian- I went digging through my 'homemade adult beverages' shelf and concocted myself a tasty little cocktail...


into my shaker, I put:

-about 1/2 cup of ice

about half a shot of the following:
-summer 07 Mulberry liquor (made from the bounty of the trees outside, and a bottle of some tasty french vodka that I can't remember the name of)
-winter 07 apricot brandy (made from a bottle of some brand or another french vsop in which I soaked a bunch of apricots that I later candied, dried, dipped in chocolate, and fed to friends and family for yuletide treats)
-summer 08 strawberry liquor (made from fresh strawberries and the same tasty french vodka that I soaked the mulberries in- I later mashed the strawberries, added a dash of rum and a packet of gelatin, and water, and froze... I call it drunken icy treat, and it still lives in my freezer, and is delicious by the spoonful on hot days)
-summer 06 fruit wine, made from polish mead in which I soaked dried papaya and mango, gooseberries, grapes, strawberries, and blueberries- the fruits were later used in a tart of some sort, I do believe)

and about a cup and a half of pomegranate & grape juice...


I shook and shook... and poured... and tasted... and it's damn good. I've had about three sips of it, and I'm already feeling quite cheerful and fuzzy. I should probably be careful with this stuff.



Also... the strangest thing happened last night. I woke up in the wee hours- with a headache so nasty I felt like I probably shouldn't move... but I did anyway- and promptly expelled the contents of my stomach onto my bedroom floor... I did a half-assed cleaning job (which I later cleaned properly), and went out to sleep on the couch. I was out until exactly noon... when I woke up with a start, and momentarily panicked, not understanding where I was or why I was there... Realized what had happened- and that I felt fine... so I went to work.
I feel, in a way, that I should be concerned about any headache so severe that arrives and then disappears so quickly... but I'm not a worrier (or at least, I try not to be)... so I'm going to blame it on the drastic temperature and humidity shift of last night... and if it doesn't happen again, write it off completely... But what a shock, to wake up at noon and realize you were supposed to have been at work almost 4 hours previous. The damn shame is that I've taken tomorrow morning off so I can go have my car serviced, and so I can talk to the salesfolk about some curiosities I have regarding some stuff and things that I'm going to continue to be vague about for a while... This means that I won't be making up the time, which is frustrating because I could use the money, but don't want to take personal time to remedy this morning's mishap... *sigh* stupid sinuses.

This weekend, I went to visit Warren... I took Monday off of work so I could stay a bit longer and it was worth it... Apparently, in doing so, I also missed a lot of excitement at work (ohh, boo hoo... I care *pfft*)

We ended up eating out a lot again, which is something we've both agreed that we should stop doing- but those of you who know my cooking habits will understand that I have a lot of trouble preparing meals effectively in someone elses kitchen- without my fancy pots & pans and my ridiculously expensive (and totally kickass) Global chef's knife... I look forward to getting a little more settled into his kitchen in the future- but until then, knowing that we've got (significantly) higher standards than most people means we end up eating at a lot of pretty cool places...

When I arrived, we hit up East Side Mario's (the best, and I mean the best Italian I've found in a long time- perfect pasta, damn good pizza, and some of the most amazing Italian wedding soup I think I've ever had)
We had breakfast and dinner at a bar near his place called West Town- where you can get a breakfast of eggs, chunky sausage and deliciously seasoned home fries for something like $6 - and a plate of nachos that is enough to easily feed two for less than $10.
We also went to a place called Mexicali Rosa's- which serves... you guessed it... Mexican. They have delicious rice & beans... satisfactory enchiladas... and brilliant fajitas.
And good old Mandarin. I love Mandarin. You go in there for lunch, and for $17, you can have all the delicious buffet that you can fit inside yourself... We discovered some authentically spicy kung pao chicken- amazing breaded scallops, delicious egg rolls (it actually said that on the tag)- fantastic, fresh sushi... and for dessert, more desserts than most buffets have regular food... including Green Tea Lichee ice cream, almond cookies, and this little Canadian delight called the nanaimo bar... ugh. I could eat a whole sheet of these things and not regret it.
And for Breakfast yesterday, Warren took me to a little family restaurant in Burlington that served me a very tasty Greek omelet, while he had the best version of eggs benedict with salmon that I've ever put in my mouth... just... amazing. (I still can't make a proper Hollandaise, so it's good to know of a place that can)

We also went out and did some shopping- I ended up with a new button down 'cowgirl' shirt and a pair of black cargos from a place called Mark's Work Wearhouse (awesome!) and after a bit of debating between Future Shop and Canadian Tire- he brought home a purifier and humidifier for his upstairs loft area (definitely made a huge difference)... and on Sunday, some new curtains for his bedroom and a cheap-but-it'll-do coffee table from Ikea... and one of those kickass magic fountains for watering your cat... Harrington didn't seem to be interested in it (only the plastic wrapper it came in), but we didn't finish setting it up before I had to go- maybe once it spouts water for drinking, he'll take an interest in it.

We spent some time (before I started to get too chilly) sitting in a park at the top of the escarpment, enjoying the view of Downtown Hamilton while the sun set behind us... and I also had my first experience with the fine Canadian establishment of 'The Beer Store'. I'm fascinated by a government that controls the alcohol. I think it's a great idea, financially and otherwise- and was mesmerized by the process of buying and collecting our 12 pack of Rickard's Red from the rolly-doodle-thingy that they use to move the beer around. I still haven't been into an LCBO- but that's for another time, as I don't often drink much store-bought liquor other than Scotch and Amarula...

It was a nice change to have a weekend to spend with Warren that wasn't spent worrying about family drama, impending deadlines (aside from me leaving yesterday) or work stuff... I'm more pissed off and bummed out than usual having had to leave... but I take comfort in the fact that someday, hopefully quite soon- we'll be together full time instead of doing this silly travel for an ungodly number of hours and deal with customs whenever we want to see each other...

Though, I actually had fun crossing back into the states this time... I think my booth officer was new to the border- He seemed a little nervous, and couldn't figure out how to get my trunk open- so I had to talk him through it from where I was sitting... We also had some troubles with my 'crossing habits' being conflicted, until I realized that since I just got my passport, I wouldn't be on record for any of the previous trips... But once we had that sorted out, I was on my not-quite-merry way back home...

The one good thing about being home was that I got to play with Clyde for a while last night... He seemed quite happy to see me- as I was him... though I think he thinks I'm cheating on him, as I left Warren's place covered in orange Harrington hairs... Ahh well, they'll meet someday too- and then it's gonna be a total lovefest, I just know it.


and now I've finished my lunch, so I have to go back to the working part of work. boo :(

heh... steak.

so, for dinner I made steak au poivre (using Julia's recipe, I think she would have been proud), and some sweet potato fries with my super-top-secret-seasoning on them, and a side of horseradish cream sauce... I also made an herb salad with strawberries, orange slices, green onion, green pepper, carrot, and sheep's milk feta (a milder variety than that made with goat's milk) that had my latest batch of vinaigrette (I think this one was just cherry vinegar, thyme, crushed black pepper, yellow mustard powder, garlic & olive oil- I made it a while ago so it's hard to remember)

I bought a bottle of la fin du monde, and had that with dinner... I did have a bit of the Amarula on ice earlier in the evening...


I am so full right now I can hardly even think, let alone do anything... so the photo shoot will be postponed until tomorrow, being as I am full of steak and potatoes and salad and delicious beer.


Warren and I have been discussing plans for festival-going this summer... and we both sort of have our hearts set on Floyd Fest (the lineup is killer)- but they've sold out of the souvenir packages (which allow onsite parking)- and now our only other options are to a)rent an RV, and pray that I can drive and park the damn thing, b)deal with parking the car offsite and just... leaving it there... with stuff in it that we don't really want to leave in the car alone all weekend... or c) shell out for the VIP passes... These are ridiculously priced- but come with all sorts of perks... onsite parking, meals (the catered stuff that performers get), a massage (don't know why but what the hell), camping in a special backstage area, free (good) booze, hot showers, all sorts of take-away souvenirs, and the coolest part- the opportunity to schmooze with performers and staff... It's so tempting... so very tempting... but I sort of feel like a lot of those luxuries would actually take away from the festival experience that I love so much (you know, the 'roughing it without going completely backwoods' feel)... I'm just torn about it now, and unequipped to really make financial decisions for something happening in late July... It's so tricky, this festival thing.

Also, we're starting to put together the plans for Shakori, which is next month already (holy crap!) - I took a couple extra days off of work so we can take the not-I-77 route down there and back, which will make me a lot less stressed by the time we get there, and then home... The coolest part about Shakori (aside from the fact that I'll get my Outback Kate's fix, and my Sugar Shack fix... is that the Horseflies are FINALLY going to be there! Yay! Horseflies!


anyway. I think now is the time for me to go watch tonight's Rachel Maddow show, and get all giddy... and then go to bed.

yep.

and maybe read. I still haven't gotten around to the reading part.



Satisfactory birthday... Thanks to everyone for your wellwishing (and wishing wells, if anyone sent those)...

ordered a 2gb ram upgrade for the laptop and a cheap external 2.5 hdd case to use for the gameboy drive case mod as a birthday project (neither of which are here yet... I appreciate that newegg stopped using UPS fail, but DHL is SLOOOOOWWWWWW).

bought a bottle of amarula to drink on the rocks tonight.

slept in... and I mean, late.

took the time to brew some Obama Blend

went to work determined to have a good day, and so far, actually am.

decided that I'm cooking myself a steak dinner.

received a delicious almond vanilla cupcake from a friend at work.

plugged the ipod into the desk speakers so I can assault co-workers with the Horseflies.



things I plan to do later.

continue having a good day

have delicious zingermans food for lunch

make myself a steak dinner

drink amarula on the rocks

maybe get dragged out by friends

do an impromptu '28 and suddenly moderately attractive in my new girly clothes' photo shoot for the friends who have insisted that they won't believe this until they see it.

and... if I'm still awake around midnight. CALL SIS!!!!!!!!!



yep. sounds like a satisfactory evening to me.

was missing that this show is tonight.


and now it's sold out, and I'm all rage and jealousy that someone I know is going and I'm not.


I hate everything :(

I couldn't even tell you how long people have been bugging me about wearing clothes of a more... feminine nature... And finally, someone has actually gotten through to me. Maybe it's because he keeps telling me I'm actually quite attractive when I try- maybe because the look of approval he gives me when I try some new item on that, admittedly, does look damn good, makes me all warm and fuzzy... Maybe it's just because I have someone around who I feel actually cares when I make the effort to look my best...

The reasoning matters less in the end than the result though... That result being that I've actually invested a considerable amount of money into my wardrobe recently... Things from stores that don't have the words 'salvation' or 'value' in their name... Things that come in sizes with numbers like 10, 12, & 14 instead of 32x30 and MM or ML... Actual... girl clothes... from girl stores...

In the last two weeks, between Toronto and home- I've purchased:

a new pair of boots without holes in the bottoms (this really needed to happen months ago, probably should have happened while I was still in NC after the campfire meets boots incident at spring Shakori... but I put it off because I wore the birks all summer, and suffered until about a week ago. The suffering is over, and my feet are still thanking me by not being sore and cold all of the time.

A nice gray hooded sweater with a padded liner thingy that I can unbutton and remove when it gets a bit warmer (this was actually in the mens department at The Bay in London, ON. but it's a medium, not a large, and it fits, and looks very nice- it was an $87 sweater, on sale for half off- and marked down further to Canadian $29- which means I spent about $25 american on it.) ...My bargain, let me show you it.

a proper, women's, winter jacket. It looks nice, and is warm- and not made of black leather, and not 3 sizes too big.

A pair of (mens) jeans that actually fit properly and look nice... I tend to prefer mens jeans because they're cut in a more 'appropriate' fit than most womens pants... I always end up looking like I'm wearing "mom pants" when I buy women's jeans because I don't have 42" hips and a 10" waist... go figure.

A lovely hoodie in a shade of blue that looks just about perfect on me- with a sort of floral design that goes down the sleeves, and a pair of pants from REI that are comfortably roomy, but actually fit (and are of an awesome parachute-nylon type material that dried on the line in under 2 hours when I washed them.

A pair of olive cargo pants that also fit properly... mmm... pockets.

and today, from Old Navy, a store that I never really appreciated like I now realize I should have: A fitted, bright green hooded sweater, yet another pair of pants-that-aren't-jeans... and some pajama-bottoms that I'm not swimming in...


and... I bought a new vacuum... and a shower-caddy thing for holding all of the new additions to the collection of schtuff that was balanced rather precariously around the edges of the tub... and a new, not-gross-and-old shower curtain.


Warren is a positive influence on me. I actually look like a girl when I dress now, and my house is clean... and the best part is that I'm actually comfortable doing this... and care enough to keep it up. Hell, I've even been wearing my hair down more often... crazy, I know.



just so you know. I still won't wear a skirt, capri pants, jewelry... or makeup. That's a looooong way off. so nyah.

so much for 3 weeks.

I got the call from my mom at about 2am... Granddad is gone :(


At the expense of a pity party (which I insist we avoid) - I'm posting this here because I want to say a few words about Granddad...


Though I've only known him for a relatively short time, in a universal sense- What I do know, is that I liked everything about him... Granddad was a hard working man, and he struggled his whole life to keep his family taken care of...
He loved old-time radio, and I think it says a lot about his generation and his tastes- that something so simple as a radio show could be the high point of a long day spent working... I wish, for a lot of reasons, and even though I know it would put me out of a job, that life could still be that simple... That we could all be that easy to please and appreciative of the little things as he was... But alas.
Granddad was one of those remarkable people who seemed to know a little bit about everything. He could recall, in ordinary conversation, all sorts of interesting facts about the world around us... and this knowledge seemed to come not only from his age, but his genuine passion for life...

He was an avid birdwatcher- and could often tell you the name of a bird after just a quick glimpse, a blur of color in the wind as it flew from it's perch outside the window... Maybe that's why I felt so special this morning when I stumbled out into the living room only to catch the local perregrine falcon launching itself from my balcony... It was because of him that I knew what to call it, and because of him that I could appreciate how rare a sight it was...

I wonder if that was him saying goodbye?

I'm gonna miss the hell out of him. I already do.